Video: Finding Love and Belonging in LGBTQ-Friendly Madrid

Chueca Madrid
Madrid offers LGBTQ expats a vibrant, welcoming home.|©iStock/Unaihuiziphotography

As soon as Danilo Martinez set foot in Madrid, he realized he had landed in one of the gay capitals of the world. On his first walk through the city, he noticed gay couples everywhere. "And it’s normal, and it’s fine," he says. "Honestly, it felt like a dream, and to this day, it still is."

Danilo arrived in Madrid in 2018, just shy of 30, leaving behind Washington, D.C., where he had been working in refugee resettlement for the US Conference of Catholic Bishops. A Honduran-born, naturalized U.S. citizen, he was newly out and had explored D.C.'s gay neighborhoods. But Madrid, especially Chueca, the city’s LGBTQ-friendly enclave, was another world entirely. Rainbow flags adorn the metro station, and the streets burst with color, music, and life.

"Chueca is not just a barrio," Danilo says. "It’s a whole world. It’s in your face. It’s vibrant. It’s not something just for select people. It's for everyone. I’d look at the terrazas and see them filled with men, women, gay, straight, lesbian, all of them together, having a totally normal life. I hadn’t even been here a week, and already I could feel that it was something special."

Back in the U.S., Danilo had been feeling uneasy about his future. He wanted a change, a reset. A friend who had taught English in Spain suggested he try the same program. "I thought, 'I can do this. I can live abroad.' My plan was to strengthen my Spanish so I could work in a bilingual, multicultural world."

In 2018, he applied to Spain’s auxiliares de conversación program and was accepted that summer. He gave notice at his job, spent three weeks with family in Louisiana, and then boarded his first international flight to Madrid. "It was supposed to be temporary, one year, maybe two max. But destiny had other plans."

At the time, Danilo was open with friends and colleagues about his sexuality, but not with his family. Living in Madrid changed that. "It wasn’t just that I felt safe. I felt excited. I decided it was time. I had to tell my parents, my siblings." On a call with his mother, when she asked what he was doing, he said he was "out with a friend."

"You keep mentioning your friends a lot," she said.

"Yeah. These are my friends. These are my gay friends. I’m gay."

"From that moment," Danilo says, "things started to move forward at an even faster pace. My life became everything I hoped it would be."

He began dating and eventually met the man who changed everything. Danilo had been looking for someone open to a long-term relationship. When he was scrolling through Tinder on New Year’s Eve, a profile caught his eye. The attractive, well-traveled man had posted a goofy GIF that Danilo found endearing. They were a match and met for a lunch date. By the time Danilo realized that he had failed to read the bio and Nestor was from Valencia, it was too late. Lunch had turned into 15 hours of conversation, fun, drinking, and dancing.

Danilo and Néstor found love and acceptance in Spain.
Danilo and Néstor found love and acceptance in Spain.

That date turned into a long-distance relationship. They saw each other three times before the pandemic hit. Then they were separated for three and a half months. They had nothing else to do but talk to each other. Danilo says, “It was a great way for us to find out who we are and know that it was something we really wanted to explore.” On their fifth date, they decided that they wanted to live together.

Nestor moved to Madrid. Two years later, they made it official with a pareja de hecho, a legal civil union. "It’s been over five years," Danilo says, "and it has completely changed everything. Spain is no longer just the place I ran to. It’s home."

They live in Madrid’s El Rastro neighborhood, known for its Sunday flea market, paying €1,200/$1,308 a month for a one-bedroom, one-bath, 700-square-foot apartment. During the week, their home doubles as a co-working space. Danilo is operations manager for Sagana, an impact investment firm. Nestor works in transportation logistics.

They also spend time at Nestor’s three-bedroom apartment outside Valencia, which he rents to a family member for €500/$544 (though market rent would be closer to €800/$871).

Danilo appreciates Spain’s affordable cost of living: "A euro here stretches a lot further than a dollar does in the U.S.," Danilo says. "Nestor saw it firsthand when we visited the States in 2023. An apple can cost $2. Milk is outrageous. We spent $200 on basic groceries."

Safety is another major plus. “Madrid is a gay capital, so here walking down the street holding hands is not threatening to anyone. Here we just blend in. That’s the best safe feeling. These little moments make me realize that Madrid is home.”

Transportation is also part of what makes life so livable. "We walk a lot. Madrid is a walkable city. And if we’re not walking, we’re on public transportation, which I love. You can get to any part of the city, or even to other cities. We took a round trip to Valencia for €20/$22. That wouldn’t buy you two glasses of wine in the U.S."

The Chueca Metro stop sits at the heart of Madrid’s LGBTQ district.
The Chueca Metro stop sits at the heart of Madrid’s LGBTQ district.|©iStock/Unaihuiziphotography

And healthcare? “I don’t have to worry about being sick. I don’t have to worry if I walk down the street and break a leg. It isn’t going to cost me my next three vacations and a kidney. It’s really great living in a country that understands that being healthy should be a given, not a privilege. It’s easy here. You’re not stressed out about what could come down the line, which just creates a healthier lifestyle in general.”

Ironically, the language was his biggest challenge. Although he spoke Spanish as a child, he didn’t speak it at university. His job in DC was supposed to be bilingual, “but in practice, it wasn’t.” In Spain, people speak with many different regional accents. “In a crowded, noisy bar, I struggle to understand.”

For LGBTQ+ folks considering a move abroad, Danilo has advice: "Be prepared for it to feel familiar but different enough that you can’t apply the exact same measures. We can be really forward on a date in the U.S. Here, it’s not such a race. You don’t have to learn everything about someone on the first date, although I still tried."

Looking back, he’s glad he followed his instincts. “I don’t always listen to my intuition, but I’m so glad I did that time. Moving to Spain was the smartest decision I’ve made in my life to date. It was what catalyzed the domino effect that completely changed my life.”

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